As Far As They See They Can Offer No Explanation

A month ago I was able to choose the July selection for Ramona Recommend's Book Club. The main book for the primary grades I chose was Wonder. Ever since the announcement I have received emails, comments on my blog, seen products made on TpT, seen boards on Pinterest, and seen comments all over Instagram about the book Wonder - about why people loved the book, about how the book has inspired, about what from the book resonated with them.

However, I have yet to share my reasons. Our month of this book club selection came to a close this past week. However, I didn't feel I could let it end without saying anything at all. And so, without further ado:

WHY I CHOSE WONDER

It was the end of my sophomore year of high school. There I sat with my mom in the principal's office. I was not in trouble. I was returning from having been away from school for three weeks. I had been out of the country, with my principal's permission but prior to returning to class she wanted to see me. Except, returning to class wasn't as easy as we thought it would be. And so there we sat, with me in tears. I didn't want to be there. I was 16 years old and I had just spent weeks traveling through concentration camps in Poland with a youth group (I'm pretty sure that was a learning experience that I would not have gained sitting in a classroom). I had been to Majdanek, Treblinka, Auschwitz, and Birkenau to name a few. During the Holocaust the march from Auschwitz to Birkenau had been the March to Death. On my trip it had been our March of the Living. Myself, along with 7,000 other Jewish teenagers from all over the world came together on Holocaust Remembrance Day and made this walk. The entire trip I was on was called The March of the Living and it truly was a once in a lifetime experience. 

This walk, this day, this trip is something that I will never forget - that's the point, to never forget what had come before, so we don't repeat it. It was 16 years ago and I remember everything - some specific pieces - so very vividly.  I remember having visited one spot in Poland one day and it being fine, then when we returned the next day a red swastika had been spray painted there. I remember being surprised that intolerance still existed. I remember being saddened that some of the concentration camps could have been up and running again within 48 hours if someone wanted them to be. 

I experienced and felt all of this at the age of 16 and then I was supposed to just come home and sit in a classroom for four more weeks of school. It was hard. I didn't really care about the friendship cliques that existed in high school upon my return. If you wanted to be nice to me, fine. If you didn't, fine. 

And then, with one week left of school, another tragedy happened in our community. Two friends (teenagers, juniors at my school) were waiting outside the dog groomer for their dog to be ready. While they were waiting, they were car-jacked. They were driven 45 minutes away and taken out of the car. One boy, who was white, was told to start walking. Then he was shot. He was 17 years old and had just taken his SATs that day. His name was Louis. The other boy was then told to start walking. Instead of walking, Dakarai started running, when they shot at him, they only got his arm. With a shot in his arm and knowing his friend was gone, he just kept running. He ran until he found another road. He ran until he found help. He, too, had just taken his SATs that morning. I was in my parents room that night when I heard the news. Louis would not be in my chemistry class the next morning. And sure enough, where once there was a messy desk, Louis' seat had been left nice and neat for him. No one said anything. 

Within that final month of my sophomore year of high school, I had witnessed what it was like when people in my religion were treated and harmed because of who they were, I had witnessed what it was like to be treated differently because of my religion, and I had witnessed what it was like to have a person in my community killed because of who he was and the kind of car he drove. 

___________________________________________________________________________________

My life changed that spring. I grew up - perhaps before others around me were ready to. 

To me it does not matter who you are or where you come from, you do not treat people differently. You treat people with respect. 

One of the biggest rules I have and have enforced since the moment I set foot into a classroom involves the word 'hate'. We do not say it - at all! It does not matter to me if you are saying you hate a person or you hate a food, you may not use the word hate. There are other ways to say you don't like something. It is as simple as that - I don't like this, I do not care for that, etc. These conversations can be had with even the youngest of children. I explain it simply, the word hate hurts feelings. When you have older students, you can explain it a tad more in depth, hate has caused a lot of problems. As the teacher, you decide how far you want to take it. 

However, I decided from the moment I had power in a classroom that would be a change I made - even the smallest amount of hate can cause the smallest of problems. In just a month of my life look how much 'hate' impacted my life - there were people who hated a religion, people who had so much hate they felt the need to kill, and while I wasn't hurt directly, it did directly impact me. My life was impacted. My life was touched in some way. 

Then I read Wonder. I had no idea what it was about. But here's the bottom line - Treat people with kindness. Don't treat people differently, no matter who they are, no matter where they are from, no matter what they look like. 

Ah, this was the same message I had learned 16 years ago. Only now, an incredible author had put that message into a book that students can understand. Please. Read it. Read it with your students, your children, yourself. Then go spread the message. The message is simple. It's kindness. 

So many great links to other blogs have been shared with me. I am linking them below. I hope you will share. Thanks for reading my story.  

An InLinkz Link-up

1

1 for ME.

Tara over at 4th Grade Frolics shared a big truth this morning. Well I don't know if you'd call it a truth, but it wasn't a free teaching product, or a link to a product for sale on TpT, or a lesson plan, or even about anything in her classroom. It was about how when school had started in the fall she felt like maybe she had lost a small piece of herself - that part that we as teachers seem to put first. Aha. I felt so validated reading this. Maybe I am not a bad person. Maybe I am not a bad teacher. Maybe I just, somewhere along the way, lost a little bit of myself.

I've thought a lot about it this year - the stress, the exhaustion, the physical pain. I can't say I used to be calm. I don't know that me and calm ever mixed. However, there were things that made life calmer - walking, swimming, yoga. What happened to that? If I'm to make excuses I can answer that - time, money (gym), etc. We could go around in circles. The truth though is that it is all just a vicious cycle.

So we tell ourselves, maybe tomorrow. Well, tomorrow is here. And if I'm to be honest, I couldn't tell you the last time I've gone for a walk, or swum a lap, and sadly I can tell you the last time I took a yoga class (it's far to long to be mentioned because I know the month and year my friend who taught it moved away). 

Yet, if I took an hour or two out of every afternoon (or even just two or three times a week) to go do one of these things, might I feel better? Maybe. Maybe the 25 pounds I've lost would be for healthy reasons and not other reasons. Might a little bit of my creativity come back to me? Goodness I can only hope!

Gosh I miss my creativity.  I used to say I was going to create so many items for my classroom. Now I look at all of yours and have no clue where to start. Seriously no clue. 

In terms of other years, emotionally, financially, and physically 2013 hasn't been too bad. True there have been some moments that could have been better. There've been a few months where I have still lived paycheck to paycheck (not nearly as many as in the past - and the point is, I'm doing it). In the grand scheme of things, even my dr. visits have been far and few less. Even the doctors visits come with taking care of yourself and being your advocate. I sit there with my paper full of medications and questions - I am not ashamed. Goodness knows we pay enough to insurance these days that we all deserve more than 5 minutes. 

We can use new year's in whatever ways we see fit - December 31st, or birthdays, or school years, or the beginning of football season, or baseball season (this obviously depends in which part of the country you live). It doesn't have to wait for a certain time or just one time a year, but we can't put it off either. The point is we have to take care of ourselves. No one else is going to. You can't put it off til tomorrow or the next day. Before you know it you're almost a month away from turning 32 and still renting a one bedroom apartment ;) 

So my 1 for ME is 1 hour just for me every day - taking a walk, watching my General Hospital (guilty pleasure - love me or leave me), being crafty, spending time with friends, but absolutely nothing school related. It will be a challenge for sure. Maybe y'all can hold me to it. 

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5

Settle Down, It'll All Be Clear

So for those of you new here let me update you, and for those of you not so new, well, we could all use a refresher (except for me of course, who has this way to fresh in my mind). By Friday evening, so in less than 48 hours my 5th major move since college, yes, that's correct, my 5th move in nine and a half years will be complete. 

May 2004 - Graduated, left Ann Arbor, came home to Atlanta for about a month and a half knowing I would go to NYC for the job hunt. 

June 2004 - Moved to NYC with nothing, zip, zilch, nada - no apartment, no job, just a suitcase. I had a sublet for two months while a I busted the pavement (If you are really intrigued you can reading any of my "getting to know me posts."

August 2004 - miraculously found a job in my field (book publishing), an apartment with 2 roommates and stayed there on 56th Street for two years. 

Back from NYC and now in Atlanta - didn't care much about other features in an apartment, I was just excited for a washer/dryer!

Welcome home to Atlanta in 2006!

July 2006 - Moved back to Atlanta to a three story walk up, one-bedroom apartment, began my master's program for teaching, and stayed there for two and a half years. 

January 2009 - No one wanted to hire teacher's though. I was certified but couldn't get a job. With no income, though having been away from home for 8 years between college and adulthood I had no choice but to move back to my parents. I completed my master's in May of 2009 and still no job. Several part-year hire positions later and two summers ago I took a chance. 

Welcome back home to my own home after leaving the parents. 

June 2011 - after a year and half at the parents I moved out to a one-bedroom apartment again. I still didn't know about a teaching job for the fall. Guess what? I subbed all the way through December til I got hired on full-time. That meant that last summer I went through it all again. I didn't know until July 20th, 2012 I would be a teacher again this past year. Living like that put a strain on my budget. I would change the way I did it. I needed my own space, I needed to get back out on my own. I moved to a great area - one of those eat, play, live type atmospheres where not much was really opened yet. Now a ton has opened, and with that my rent has gone up. No teachers in my area have gotten a cost of living increase raise of any kind of 5 years. So out I go, to downsize and save. 

June 2013 - It's on. By Friday morning I'll have downsized into about 800 square feet. Lord help me now. My mom and I have reminded myself that if I can live and fit into a NYC apartment I can certainly downsize here. 

Here's how I feel about moving:

It's stressful. I dislike packing immensely, in fact, I avoid it like that plague. I am tremendously blessed with parents who come in and "get 'er done." I pretty sure it frustrates them. But they do it. Somehow as I sit here and finish typing this, knowing I have to be at school to teach the summer school kiddos in 8 hours and the movers are coming in 30 hours,  I am surrounded by packed boxes. Bless their little hearts. 

Part of moving is cathartic - you can throw things out, purge, move on, and grow up a tad. All moves up until have occurred in my 20s, and now I am in my 30s. It's interesting to see how the things that once mattered to you suddenly don't. In so many ways I think it is why I prefer my parents pack it. Do I notice it is gone? Do I notice it is missing? If not, then do I really need it? Right now I notice my blanket from my sofa is gone. I wish they had left it out but perhaps it was used to pad something. A blanket - something as simple as a blanket. What would you notice is missing if you had to be without something? What could you really live without if you had to downsize?

1

I DON'T Like to Move It, Move It

Well, friends (apparently I am speaking to you like you are my class of second graders) - school ended in a whirlwind. Field Day (the first one was rained out, we rescheduled for the final full-week of school, we had our second grade picnic, I packed up my room and moved it to a new one within the building, got my kids' grades done and sent them all on their way by May 22nd. No tears were shed on the final day - at least not by me. Some of my kids did. I remember one of my kids saying, I want to stay with you, and I responded, but I'm not going to 3rd grade!

On my final day of post-planning I sat through a 3 hour IEP meeting to get one of my students situated in Special Education and ready to begin next school year where she she should be - that took long enough. Saturday night I stayed at a friend/co worker's who was moving to Philly so that we could get on the road bright and early Sunday morning for our 14 hour drive to Philly. We made it by 10:00 that night. I was beat. SO much MOVING!

Naturally, when I was in Philly, I found out I have to move apartments. My building was late on giving me the rental increase amount, so while they didn't hold me to my 30 day notice, I did, because I'm a teacher and I have a limited amount of time during summer and did I mention I am teaching SUMMER SCHOOL?!?! SO I went out and found a new apartment (a cheaper apartment in a matter of 2 days after returning from Philly and have preplanning for summer school). I've scheduled the movers, the painters, the cable/internet, and my parents and I have packed up my entire kitchen and almost my entire living room. Oh yes, all the while during the first week of  summer school - hours 6:30-2:30, and the midst of a terrible storm tearing down trees and losing  power for over 24 hours.

Moving is in T-5 days. This will be my 5th move in 9 years. I have moved almost every 2 years since being out of college. I am very over apartment living. I am hoping this coming apartment will be the last stop on the line before I can purchase something. I'm downsizing. I'm going with the budget. I'm paying off some debt. I'm getting real.

Stay tuned for the home tour...

1

Five for Fighting...I mean, Friday!

It's been a while, but it's been real around here. Long days in 2nd, teaching after-school two days a week in 3rd, etc. etc. 

I got a new look - like the blog makeover?

I got a year older. That's right folks, I am officially IN my thirties. CrAzY. 

My birthday was in February, on a Tuesday. I'll be honest and say I never expect much on my birthdays, especially in the middle of the week. But, this year was so much fun. I didn't do anything fancy, but my kids made the day super special. 

My birthday is the same week as Valentine's, and we do "Secret Sweethearts" with the staff. Mine got me this hat to wear on my birthday and I wore it the whole day!

 One student brought me this card/note. So sweet

Another student brought me a rose. 

A student's parent MADE me this cake. Gorgeous and delicious. Winning combination. 

A co-worker gave me this card. I say this line all the time.  

She also gave me this Thirty-One bag. I use it as my reading workshop bag. I have sight words and index cards in there and all different kinds of markers and pens. 

 On my birthday my school sponsored a daddy/daughter dinner at a local pizza place. My parents came and brought this cake. 

When I finally got home, these were waiting on my doorstep from my daddy. 

To end my 4 day weekend my parents took me out to a very nice dinner. 

And now, it's time for Five for Friday:

1. New Girl. A Coach at my school who I work with has been telling me about this show and she let me borrow the first season. I am over half-way through and I love it. There are some very funny lines. 

2. The fact that one of these opened right on my way home from work has been my down fall. 

3. These guys were/are my date tonight

4. Yet, in the meantime of all this food, the doc put me on a specific diet to try and narrow down the cause of some of my issues, so I should really be eating this: 

5. I LOVE FRIDAYS. I have been doing Science Fridays with a coach/friend at school and we have been having so much fun. We co-teach the whole day and it goes so fast. My kids adore her. She truly makes my days so much better and I have learned so much. I am actually sad the year is coming to a close because I love working with her. This morning was a Starbuck morning for the two of us. 

It's Friday, Friday

Everybody's looking forward to the weekend

3

Born to Run

 We gotta get out while we're young

`cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run walk. 

made this shirt for my niece two years ago for the 4th!

Sorry Springsteen. I never could keep up. I tried. I hit it with my best shot. I went the distance. I really did. But this girl was not born to run. 

I woke up early when I lived in NYC. My roommate ran/walked with me a mile in the morning to help me. On the weekends I hit Central Park. I have 'Running Mix' and 'Run 2010' on my ipod, the latter of which tells you how long it has been (and also an indication of why 2009 and 2010 were truly my skinniest of days). 

When I lived in NYC, I ran several 5Ks, including the Race for the Cures and any other ones I could sign up for. I always wrote my time on the back of my rae bib, improving with each one. There even may have been one race where I actually did run the entire thing and not have to stop. 

When I moved back from NYC in 2006 it was also a year marker from my dad's triple bypass surgery. He wanted to celebrate. How? With tens of thousands of his nearest and dearest in the US's largest 10K. That's right folks. Here in the south we do it large, loud, and proud on the 4th! 

The Peachtree Road Race! 

My brother, myself, my mom, and my dad all signed up. My dad and brother ran it together and stayed together. I walked it with my mom. I got her to run just a tad in the beginning, and of course at the end to cross the finish line. It was a great day and a wonderful way to celebrate his health.

 all 4 of us in our race t-shirts at a pool party afterwards, 2006

That Peachtree would be my parents one and only. The whole we did it once, we can say we did it. We live in Atlanta. It's hot. It's July. You're young. You can go be crazy. The next tear we were in town again on the 4th was 2009 and my brother and I signed up. This time we had J with us and she was 6 months pregnant. I was pumped. Finally. They would walk with me. I mean yeah, yeah, she's fit, and in shape, and she's been running, but it's HOT! And did I mentionshe's pregnant with my niece or nephew?! 

Next thing I know, I'm saying "fine I'll meet y'all at the finish at line." I finally find them. She has a bottle of water in her hand for me when I find her and a "guess what? I ran the whole thing!" 

Ugh! That alone was enough to make me sick. 

Wouldn't ya know it the same think happened the following year. Except she wasn't pregnant, she just had a 8 month old baby! She still ran the whole thing. Me? I walked. Don't you just love them? They still wait for me at our meeting spot. They're the best. 

me, my brother, J, and my niece sleeping after The Peachtree Road Race in 2010

Last year, I left them on their own. Not because I had become some accomplished runner, but because I was truly that lazy that I had forgotten to sign up. Genius that I am, it's true. Them? They still ran the whole thing, those stinkers. 

This year? Well, I purposely didn't sign up. I'm out of shape. Or maybe it was one of those, everything happens for a reason things. 

The sight of this still gives me the heebeejeebees! (yes, Friday will be 5 weeks)

As for them - they sold their numbers this year - a baby is coming in 16 days and we are in the middle of a heatwave. 

Lessons Learned: 
It doesn't matter if you walk or run, just get out there. 
Stay in shape. (clearly do as I say, not as I do).
Have a meeting spot. 
If you're waiting for someone, it's a nice touch to have a bottle of water also waiting for them. 
If you're 9 months pregnant, don't run in a heatwave. 
Likewise, if you're out of shape, don't run in a heatwave. 
If it's been a year since major surgery - celebrate that in a big way. 
There's always next year - but don't wait too long. Remember to live in the moment, cause baby you're a firework (sorry, I had to, mainly for my niece) ;) 

2

I've Gotta Feeling

 that it's gettin' a little hot it in here:

yesterday's temp at approx. 5 p.m. 

that we're gonna cool off today: 

hello, pool in the backyard

that the sun will come out today and tomorrow, more 103 degree days, at least. 

so we'll watch this also to stay cool. My 2 and 1/2 year old niece is learning the songs. I couldn't be more proud. We both have curly red hair. 

Yep. It's July 1st. 9:00 a.m. and already 85 degrees. I better get crackin so can I get the Little Miss and head over to NanaPopi's (my parent's, but when my niece is involved, it becomes on giant, excited, jointed word.) We're giving her parents a break. Why? Well, because they're moving in two days and need to pack, they're having a baby in 19 days, and basically we'll take any excuse we can to have her. I've gotta feeling it's gonna be a good day. It may even include a fabulous summer beverage inappropriate for my niece. ;) 

1

I'm Every Woman

 and every woman should, by the time she is 30...

1. experience having lived paycheck to paycheck.  It makes you wiser. It makes you appreciate more. Learn how to coupon and budget. Then make sure you never have to live that way again, even if you budget and coupon for the rest of your life so that can be the case. It may take a while but you will be better for it.

2. have a scar with a great story behind it, physical or emotional, that she isn't afraid to share.

3. know how to get lost in her own city, literally. Take some back roads and trust that eventually you will get where you need to be. In the end, you will have learned a new way to get somewhere, finding some hidden treasures along the way. There is more than one way to every destination.

4. know how to eat alone. There is nothing wrong with going to eat and having a drink by yourself. Take a book or a magazine. Play a game on your phone. Times have changed and being by yourself is nothing to be ashamed of.

5. have a cute pair of running shoes, even if she doesn't run - it's the facade.

6. have an excellent black skirt, likewise a great pair of black pants, and of course a good bra.

7. own a movie she can watch repeatedly just to feel good and laugh.

8. know a go-to recipe for when company is coming or if she needs to take a meal to someone.

9. have a few recipes she can make in 20 minutes in a pinch, when there is not much in her pantry.

10. have black and white family photos. If you don't, you'll wish you did one day. Nothing lasts forever.

11. know how to cherish and nurture a friendship, but also know when to walk away. Some friendships only serve a purpose for a period of time, it doesn't mean they were any less important than the ones that remain. Hold on to the remaining friends you have. Everyone needs a couple of people who knew them when they were young.

12. not allow herself to be taken advantage of - by anyone, be it a co-worker, friend, spouse, boyfriend, etc.

13. give of herself without letting go of herself.

14. never forget where she came from.

15. love with her heart without losing her head.

16. use her head without losing her heart.

17. stand strong and stand up for what she believes in and knows is right. Less and less people do this now. It's easier to go with the majority. Don't. Don't lose yourself.

18. remain creative and young at heart. Remember what it was like to be a child and if you are fortunate enough to have children, let them be children.

19. have some good lipgloss and mascara on hand.

20. have a pair of jumper cables in her trunk.

21. have driven her car until there was absolutely 0 miles of gas left and still made it to the pump at least once.

22. know how to change a flat tire, or at least know who to call when it happens (trust me on this one).

23. own a great hairdryer and flatiron.

24. have an overnight bag or light suitcase that can be ready in a moments notice.

25. use sunscreen. Your dermatologist, children, and even yourself will thank you.

26. not take a single moment for granted, whether it's getting ice cream with friends or dinner with family, or even just hanging out and spending time together. Life is short. We never know how old we will be when we learn that lesson. Cherish it.

27. have a bottle of wine in the fridge, because ya never know!

28. know the number to a great chinese delivery place (for the Friday nights when she's had enough).

29. have at least one stamp in her passport, or at least have her passport ready to go.

30. have mistakes that she can leave behind but that have made her better in the long run. We flounder and fail. The key is not only in knowing where we we want to go in our next thirty years, but also in remembering that it is only a plan. Things change. People change. All any of us can hope for is to live in the moment, learn from the past, make the future fun, and appreciate everything along the way. Get busy!

3

Even the Best Fall Down Sometimes

Literally. 

I bit it and hit it hard. 

I had been out of school for a week. I think I had been in denial. The last days of school I really held in my emotions. I had been sick and was on round two of antibiotics. 

Down for the count. The win goes to Sydney. Z-pack, you're worthless. 

14 days later, I was back in the ring. My eyes were as red as could be. No, not allergies. I was balling, but it was not even as I said goodbye to my students from this current year. I made the rounds to my students from last year and said goodbye. I took a picture with each of them. Pictures don't lie. Maybe Photoshop does, but I wanted the real, raw memories. I wanted to see my love for these kids and the sadness I had when I had to say goodbye yet again, because of no contract for the fall. Same story, different summer. But this summer would be different. I was determined to enjoy it.  

What is Calling You?

Finally, my "Summertime Friend," Tara, was done with school as well. We decided to have some fun. That night was truly the most fun I had had in a very long time. I was relaxed and laughing my entire way through the night. 

Until I realized I was tired. So we began to walk back to her place. It was cool out. She began to run. I began to mock her. 

Ka-BOOM. It hurt like crap. Right in the middle of an Atlanta sidewalk all jagged and messed up. I had a feeling it would hurt even worse the next day. But me? I was laughing hysterically, like one of those hyenas from The Lion King or the way my niece used to laugh when she was first learning how (ironically, I was running like my niece did when she first learned how when I fell, no wonder it's cuter when you're 13 months old). 

Then I stood up. 

There was blood, and a lot of it. 

I looked around. 

My arm. There was literally a hole in my arm. 

HOLY. 

I was sober. No more laughing, no more running, and no more numbed pain (maybe a tad). "We have got to get to an ER." 

We walked even faster to the car all the while holding my arm up in the air and holding it together with my other hand. "I NEED a towel!" Tara handed me a stack of napkins. Gree-eeat. Thank goodness Anthony ran to get a towel, unfortunately he chose red. 

Red + Blood = NO. 

We walked into the ER. Holding my arm. Blood dripping. The lady said, just as calmly as someone who works at McDonald's, "May I take your order?", only the words were just as calmly and routinely spoken, "sign in and have a seat." My face said, "Are you for real? I don't see anyone else out here bleeding and I have a hole in my apendage." But I sat. 

*note, the towel is just red in nature, but you can see blood

I tried to smile through it. I even sang, "Ya got blood on your face, ya been disgraced..."

But I knew it was bad. 

The nurse called me back. Alone. Just some triage to get cleaned up a tad so the doctor could see me. "Have you been drinking a little bit tonight?" Well, I'm very sober now. "Cause you're a little emotional" Oh really, that's nice of you to notice that the first time I have shed three tears the entire night is while I am alone and you are the first deemed medical professional looking at my arm as I ask, "Do you see bone?" I'm emotional am I? How nice of you to point out. 

still haven't been seen by a doctor

Back in the waiting area and clearly, a complete basket case - I got called back to a room, my parents arrived, my mom watched intently, and she let me squeeze her hand like crazy as they injected pain meds with a 5 inch needle (that didn't completely work at first and I "felt" I needed more - as I said "I FEEL that!") and stitched me up. One stitch internally, and 5 externally, then taken for an X-ray (thank goodness nothing was broken). I continued to bleed. We waited to be certain it would clot. At 4 a.m. we finally left. That was only the beginning of a long recovery.

the palm of my hand finally beginning to heal after over 2 weeks

5 days after the sutures were removed (2 weeks out); the beginning of an infection

3 weeks out; after a round of antibiotics for infection

My mom reminds me there is always plastic surgery. <3 her. 

Lessons Learned: 

Most falls, be it children or adults, happen when wearing flip-flops. 

Flip Flop are dangerous. 

Do not pick any scabs.

Mederma, Bactroban, antibiotics, and pain medications are wonderful.

Cetaphil makes an antibacterial soap. 

BE your OWN advocate.
We all stumble.
We all fall - be it literally or figuratively.
It hurts, whether it leaves a scar physically or emotionally.
Sometimes with a great story.
In the end, it's not whether we get knocked down, but rather in whether we get back up  again.

4

Moving On and Growing Up (a long one and a long time coming)

I've been thinking. You may have noticed a theme in the title of my posts this past week. As I begin this new week I actually am going to end the theme with the major thing that got me started...thinking. Do you ever find we do too much of it? Thinking about how to end the school year, our day to day lives, and where we go from here. Maybe it's just me. I'm an over analyzer. 

But then, I'm also always reminded of one of my favorite quotes from the TV show, Grey's Anatomy, which if you have ever read my Blogger profile you have learned by now: 

"We're adults. When did that happen? 

And how do we make it stop?!"

The thing is, I don't think its so much that we want the process of adulthood to stop. I'm wiser now than I was last year, and I'm certainly happier now than I was 5 years ago. I don't know that I'd want to go back. Slow it down at times, maybe? And yes, only maybe. It's the realization that we have to grow-up. Perhaps even "have to" is incorrect terminology. We know we have to. Its inevitable. We age, we go to school, we leave home, some of us get married and/or have babies, things change, people move away. There I said it. I said the word that makes us all become adults and "grow." It's a word I've never liked. CHANGE. 

Sometimes though, there's that little minutia that we take for granted. And I mean my.nute. See, the aforementioned changes are somewhat par for the course in the road of life. Even if it is not our life. We join in the celebrations, wrapping the presents and signing the cards, putting on the make-up and smiling for the pictures, all-the-while still being able to play "pretend." It's as though we are acting, which we as teachers have become good at. Yet, there are parts of our everyday lives that we think will always be there - the television shows with hosts, actors, and characters whom we have watched for over 25 years (and yes, we've watched them since we were 5!). 

Yes, that's the minutia I'm talking about. It may seem trivial. For me, it began last year when Oprah aired her final episode. Her episode not only began the demise of my own (probably 20 year) daytime ritual, but also the beginning of my adulthood. It was almost an exact year ago (May 25, 2011 was her finale).  Oprah aired on ABC. One month before Oprah's final air date, ABC announced the cancellation of two other beloved shows of mine - All My Children and One Life to Live.  For years, my afternoons had gone like this: 1-2: AMC; 2-3 OLTL; 3-4 GH; 4-5 Oprah. I know. I was in school, then college, then working, then teaching, when did I find the time, right? It came down to initials - VHS, DVR, TiVO. God Bless them all. There I sat last May listening to Oprah, a day before my teaching contract ended. I listened intently: 

"What I knew for sure from this experience with you is that we are all called. Everybody has a calling and your real job in life is to figure out what that is and to get about the business of doing it...

live from the heart of yourself. You have to make a living; I understand that. But you also have to know what sparks the light in you so that you, in your own way, can illuminate the world."

I grew a little. We grow each day, we really do. There's a reason we are here. There's a reason we have these life experiences and share that wisdom with those who come after us (and in some cases those who have come before us). I kept on going that summer and as we know I found myself teaching again this past fall - right in time for All My Children to end in September. Another piece of my childhood was beginning to end (I was sad, but somehow it was a tad easier with the other two continuing). I remember the day I started watching that show. My mom had it on and I can't remember if it was the summertime or just a break from school, but Janet had Natalie in the well. I was hooked. Will the good twin win? I had to watch the next day to find out what would happen. Of course the next day, if you don't get up from the TV fast enough you get hooked on the next soap. Oh, One Life. You helped me bond with my older brother because he was in the room and he decided to nickname Todd "Scarface." From then on if ever the soaps were on TV and he walked in the room he had to make a comment about Scarface. Then this past January, One Life to Live aired its final episode. Another one bit the dust. What would my afternoons become when there was no school, or when I was sick and had nothing to do but lie in front of the television? 

When I was younger I had promised myself I would not get drawn into yet another soap opera. I mean, I was 10 years old. Then Kimberly McCullough (Robin) worked her magic. She was my age (okay, maybe a couple of years older). I loved watching her. Here was this girl acting her heart out on screen and I was just this kid, her same age, who didn't want to go to summer-camp because I was so homesick. What loser was I?! My dad even sent me Soap Opera Digests to camp so that I could read the recaps and write what I thought would happen. Then when I was in high school Kimberly's character was in an HIV storyline. I cried my eyes out through that Robin and Stone storyline (and it used to take a lot for me to cry during TV or movies). I grew up a lot in high school for other reasons too, although they still had to do with tolerance. I continued to educate myself throughout that storyline and others that occurred on GH, as well as my other shows. So many storylines were, and are, informative. My brother's college girlfriend watched GH. We still send messages about it. My cousin watches. It's a bonding topic of conversation whenever we are together. And for the past 6 years Kimberly continued in another storyline, perhaps one of my very favorites, with Jason Thompson (Patrick).  My mom and I used to share our thoughts and opinions about "Psycho Lisa" who kept trying to come between them. Then this past November, Kimberly announced her plans to depart the show. To say I was devastated may seem extreme because I personally do not know Kimberly. However, I do think she'd be fun to know and she has certainly entertained me for a good 20 years. I will say this though, when she died onscreen and Jason Thompson played out those scenes in the days following, I have never sat in front of a television and cried so hard. In fact, the last time I cried that hard was when I lost my job interview last summer due to HR cutting the position 12 hours prior the interview. But that cry - that cry was an ugly loud cry. This cry, the tears were just quiet and flowing. I called my mom as I paused the TV and said, "Either they all need Emmy awards or I have major issues!" Either case may still be up for debate. I strongly believe Emmy awards are needed. What they did in all those years and especially these past months of scenes was not just for me to feel the loss of Kimberly and her character Robin, but for me to feel the loss of it all - the loss of what I'd grown up with, the loss of what I've struggled to let go of and say goodbye to. 

It's hard to let go while you're still holding on; At the same time it's hard to still hold on but move forward. As teachers we're not just actors playing a part in our every day lives, but also in the lives of our students. We have to make a conscious decision to be present. Sometimes that decision is a courageous one. Kimberly made a conscious, courageous decision to follow her dream of becoming a director. I miss her acting dearly, but I thank her and Jason for giving me a gift, unconsciously, in more ways than one. 

"Understand[ing] that one principle, that everybody wants to be heard, 

Try it with your children, your husband, your wife, your boss, your friends. Validate them. 'I see you. I hear you. And what you say matters to me.'"

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